Balancing Family Planning + Running as an Elite Female Runner
Happy Thursday friends! We’re almost to the weekend!! And there are no house construction plans on the agenda this weekend OR next so I’m looking forward to some quality family time. Yay!
Today I have a really lengthy post on a topic that’s been weighing on my heart for the past few months and I’m looking forward to sharing my thoughts with you all today. I’ve touched on the topic a lot over the months since CIM – and even discussed it with Lindsey on her podcast, I’ll Have Another [you can listen to my episode here] back in January. The topic in question?
Balancing Family Planning + Running
This topic is something that I’ve thought about for years. A few years ago I was adamant that I wanted to achieve my biggest running goal – running at the Olympic Trials – before we started a family. But then the baby fever started setting in and almost simultaneously I was seeing examples of women having kids and coming back to the sport of running stronger than ever. These women ranged from recreational runners to professional runners and I realized that starting a family didn’t have to mean the end of my running goals.
I am so glad that we didn’t put off starting a family because Lavinia is the sweetest baby I could have ever imagined and having her there with me at the finish line of CIM made the moment even more special! I will be forever thankful for those women because their example encouraged and motivated me throughout my return to running after having Liv.
Now Henri and I are at a new crossroads – trying to figure out the balance of family planning and my goals as a runner. When we decided to start trying for Liv I was kind of burnt out on running and was ready for a break, hoping that some time away from serious training would re-energize me and it did! However, we are currently in such a different place. I’ve run personal bests in 3 distances in the past year – 10K, half marathon and marathon – and I’m poised to achieve some great things in the coming months and years.
Last time, choosing pregnancy over running was an easy choice. This time around it’s been a lot harder for me.
Even before CIM Henri and I had discussed our plans for baby #2 and what we would do if I qualified for the Trials. The two options that we came up with at the time were 1) we would start trying for baby #2 immediately after CIM or 2) we would wait to expand our family until after the Trials in 2020. But since qualifying for the Trials was far from a sure thing these conversations were all just hypothetical.
Then I ran CIM…. and I qualified for the freaking Olympic Trials! I was in shock! I was happy! I was so proud of my accomplishment but in an instant all of our hypothetical conversations became real.
We decided pretty quickly that getting pregnant immediately wasn’t the right choice for us. My success at CIM had motivated me towards wanting to run some PRs on the track in the spring and I wasn’t ready to be pregnant after what was essentially only one post-baby training cycle. It also didn’t seem like the best solution because when we welcome our second kiddo we want me to be able to stay home and we are not in a place yet where that is financially possible for us. Add in the fact that our house in still under renovation and will likely still be for awhile and welcoming a new baby in 9 months didn’t seem like a good idea.
So by default we moved onto the second option we had discussed before CIM – wait until after the 2020 Trials.
That sat well with me for a little while but then it didn’t. I originally thought that if I put my EVERYTHING into training for the next two years and had an amazing performance (for me) at the Trials in 2020 that I would maybe be comfortable hanging up my shoes and focus on growing our family. But over the weeks and months since CIM I’ve had wonderful conversations about this topic with Henri, family and friends and I have gained a lot of wisdom from other female runners, who like me have gone through a similar process of trying to find the balance. I actually really enjoyed the discussions that this Instagram post sparked with other mother runners.
Some of the important questions that Henri and I have discussed during our conversations about the topic are…
Would I really be willing to hang up my running shoes (ie. stop training seriously) after the 2020 Trials?
After a lot of consideration I don’t think I would be. I would only be 30 and there are so many women that are running fast well into their 30s! I could see myself going after Trials qualifiers in 2024 and even 2028 as well. Since the 2020 Trials won’t be the end-all-be-all of my running “career” I don’t feel this pressure to be in the best shape of my life on that day. If I end up being pregnant or newly postpartum in February 2020 I’ll be ok not participating in the Trials and can set my sights ahead.
What are my running goals?
The fact of the matter is that I’m not trying to become a professional runner or make an Olympic Team so my livelihood is not hinged on my running performances. I have high goals for myself and still want to run PRs in the future but there are women that I know personally that have 3 or more kiddos and are still kicking butt and running OTQ times. Having a second (and later on our 3rd) kiddo isn’t going to take me out of the competitive running game.
Would we rather our kids be closer or further apart in age than we originally had hoped/planned?
We still aren’t sure but right now we’re thinking they’re going to end up closer together than 3 years.
What are some things we would like to accomplish before we add another kid to the mix?
1) Have the house renovations done. 2) Have the costs for our birth center saved up so we can get the discount offered if you pay cash up front. 3) Be in a place where it would be possible for me to stay home with the kids (ie. build up my virtual coaching business to a place that it can replace my current income).
All of these reasons – in addition to me wanting to get in at least 1 more good season of training and racing before our next pregnancy – are partly why we aren’t pregnant right now.
What is causing the current baby fever that we’re (ok… that I am) feeling?
In the past couple of months a few of my friends, as well as some professional runners – I’m looking at you Shannon Rowbury and Neely Spence-Gracey – have announced their pregnancies and so I wasn’t sure if the baby fever I had was mostly influenced by these announcements or if it was something else. After some reflection I’ve realized that their announcements have surely influenced me in some way but there are other factors that have me excited and eager to welcome a second kid to our family. 1) Liv is a great sleeper and easy kid, if she was a difficult baby or still a poor sleeper I don’t think I would be ready yet 2) Liv is growing up so fast! She is full-on toddler and not a baby anymore so I’m feeling that longing to have a baby in the family again and 3) I’m excited to see Liv as a sister! I’ve been loving watching her interact with her friends at daycare, our family friends and random kids at the park. She is capable of forming little friendships and relationships with other kids and toddlers and I can’t wait to see her have that with a sibling. 4) Liv is super interested in babies and she is so nurturing and sweet with her baby doll that I can’t help but imagine how sweet she is going to be as a big sister. We’ve been spending some time each week with my friend who has a toddler about Liv’s age and a newborn and Liv is fascinated with the baby, it melts my heart!
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After all of this consideration and a whole lot of prayer Henri and I have decided that we are going to go with the flow and weave baby #2 (and our future #3 and mayyybe #4, if I can convince him 😉 ) in and around my running goals. Since I’m a planner it’s hard for me not to have a definitive plan for the future as it pertains to running and having kids but as I’ve noticed the past few years – when I’m ready to be pregnant and focus on being mom I’m all about that and when I’m ready to train and run fast I can get plugged into my training and will work hard. I think as the years unfold ahead of us the right decisions for our family will be illuminated along the way.
It’s difficult as a female to not be able to accomplish both goals of running fast and growing humans at the same, exact time but I try and see it as a privilege to be able to do both in my life, even if it is hard to wrestle with balancing it all.
If this is a topic that hits home with you at all I’d love to hear your thoughts. 🙂